Last One of 2025! -  December 27, 2025

Hi everyone! I’m wishing you all a belated, joyful and healthy holiday season! Let’s finish 2025 strong.

Welcome back to Sh*tty T*tty City, where we’re still steamrolling this thing. I had my second chemo on Monday the 8th and the third on the 22nd. The last few weeks have been predictably rough, but not as bad as you’d think. When people think of chemo, you imagine feeling terribly sick 24/7 with no reprieve. I am lucky to say it’s not like that for me so far. I know pain, anyway. It doesn’t scare me. I am driving, exercising, and actually doing things. Yes, I am tired. It can all be sudden and intense, but it has all been manageable. Thank [whatever higher power you believe in] and the incredible staff at the Davenport-Mugar Cancer Center for that. 

On top of that, I have some very exciting news! In the days leading up to my second infusion, I could have sworn the main tumor was shrinking. It wasn’t hurting as much, the swelling went down enough for me to wear a soft bra, the discoloration started to fade. I had a checkup with one of the NPs before my second infusion and I told her as much. Get this: The visible, palpable area of my breast where the tumor surfaced went from 3.2cm to just over 1cm. She could not locate or feel my lymph nodes. After one treatment. That doesn’t mean I have to do any less treatment to take this out; I still have to complete the entire regiment in order to ensure this will not come back. But now the game plan is to have zero cancer left in my body before the double mastectomy, which would be called a “complete response” to the chemo. Merry Christmas to meeee!

I was shocked. I still am, really. How could it possibly work that fast? Here’s the answer—chemotherapy is wired to specifically target the fastest-growing cells in your body. That’s why so many people lose their hair. The drugs see cancer cells dividing out of control or fast-growing hair follicles and they say, “mmm, lunch.” It doesn’t know the difference between the two. So in this case, the more aggressive the cells, the faster they die. The ddAC-T protocol is sometimes described as the Battle Axe treatment for my type of cancer (ER+ PR+ HER2neu-) at an advanced stage because it works like one. Again, that is how much the technology has improved even in the last 15 years. When I go in on January 5th for my last AC infusion (the 4 biweekly cycles), I will be talking to my oncologist about the next steps. I imagine imaging is in order soon. After that, if all goes according to plan, I start the 12 weekly cycles of Taxol right after.

Treatment is going beautifully and I am so, so grateful. I’ve mentioned my thoughts on fairness and how it may not truly exist, and I really do think that fairness and unfairness are arbitrary concepts we have evolved with and developed to cope with the incomprehensible events, all the highs and lows, of life. While I have full assurance right now that I will survive, I couldn’t make it home for Christmas and see my pets, family and friends. I haven’t been there since this started. I wasn’t up to the trip and I 100% would have gotten even more sick because my immune system is that compromised. I also wanted to, needed to and did break up with my boyfriend days before Christmas after missing some signs I really, really should have seen before. It was the right thing to do and I have zero regrets, but…it’s still a whole damn mess. I do try my best to roll with the punches, keep a stiff upper lip at all times, and go with the flow, but guys. Look me in the eye and tell me this whole year hasn’t been one from the deepest pit. I know I had very real problems and life issues to worry about before I got diagnosed. I had things that made me doubt my strength and scared me before I met my now-ex. So no, none of this is fair. No, I didn’t deserve any of this. And I think it’s okay that I finally acknowledge that as we exit thisstupid. damned. year. 

As 2026 begins, this is the promise I’m making to myself: I will never forget how strong I am. I will never allow anyone—or any situation—to take my power away from me again. I know who I am and I know what I want to do. I will accept help without feeling like a burden when it is offered. I’m going to take chances and not be reigned by fear and the comfort of remaining hidden and unseen. What else do I have to even be afraid of at this point? This life is mine. It’s a little messed up but I am, too. It’ll never be easy or perfect and that is okay. It took me 30 years, but I now intend to live for myself on my terms, and no one will ever catch me apologizing for that again.

Okay, then. Let’s all kick some ass and send each other good vibes, because being there for each other is a big part of what helps us grow as ourselves, too. Again, hope you had the most peaceful of holiday seasons. Happy 2026 to all, and to all, a good night! Talk to you all then! 

All my love, as always,

Caroline